I’ve been debating whether or not I want to fix up this novel I wrote this summer. I’m not sure whether or not it’s worth it. Maybe you guys could give me some insight. This is the first chapter of the young adult novel and the premise. Do you think it should be polished or is this just a story I should keep as a memory, a journey.
A paranormal fiction set in the modern world but engulfed in a secret world of immortals where a war between the Immortalis and Dark Ones have been going on for thousands of years.
Caught in the middle of this war is seventeen-year-old newcomer Jamie who has just been changed into an Immortali and blood-bound by an unknown Immortali. As she joins her new coven and adjusts to this new world hers alters once more. Dark Ones want Jamie dead, she is discovering that she has other abilities that no one else has, and the search for who creator leads her to an unsuspected person.
An anomaly in a supernatural world Jamie finds that she is more than what she seems. As mysteries are revealed, danger heightens, evil gets closer, and betrayal changes her view of her coven, this may lead to her unraveling or her empowering.
Chapter One: Jamie’s POV
Not Again! I can’t be late again!
Driving home late again after another competition, I tried to make it home hopelessly before my curfew knowing that I was going to get in trouble with Vanessa for being out passed my curfew for the third time this week. It had only been a week after my seventeenth birthday and already I had broken my promise to stay out of trouble and behave myself.
She’ll have my head on a stick this time, I thought frantically.
As I drove out my frustrations I began to notice the headache forming wasn’t helping either. Not that a headache ever helped anyone. The headache seemed to have gotten worse in the past four days. I prayed that it would disappear by tomorrow’s soccer match because the team was depending on me to carry them to victory. What’s a team without its best goalie?
With eyes still focused on the road ahead and hands still placed at ten and two on the steering wheel I carefully maneuvered my cotton sweater off without so much as swerving on the road. It was getting increasingly hot in the car despite the fact that not once did I turn on the heat. Add to the fact that I was having a hard time breathing without wheezing. I hoped that I wasn’t getting sick, that it was just allergies, because I would miss out on too many things if I was coming down with something.
The road was deserted except for me and my Audi. No other cars or people were around on this old dirt road. Hardly anyone took this route because the highway was faster and also due to the reason that this road was said to be dangerous because of all the accidents that occurred here when it was a busy road.
The lonely dirt road sat beside a forest on both sides. Rushing and driving fast was a given for me. Besides I knew no police cars would be sitting in wait. They never patrol this road anymore.
I coughed hard and closed my eyes for a split second. When my eyes fluttered open I was caught off guard and blinded as a big boom of florescent light shined in the forest to my right. The car shook slightly though not overwhelmingly so but enough for me to notice that it wasn’t natural. Something was happening.
Startled and starting to panic I found the brakes with my foot and stomped on it, putting the car into a complete stop, while shielding my eyes with my arm from the bright illuminating light. My head felt like it would explode with pain, pulsating. Barely seeing around my arm the booming light slowly faded away after a few seconds.
Removing my arm from my face I looked at the area where the light was still fading back into the darkness of night. My eyes finally adjusted to the sudden change in light and my raged breathing made each wheeze hurt more and more.
“What the heck was that?” I asked talking to myself.
When I finally calmed down to what I thought as reasonable I put the car back into drive and pulled off to the side of the road, parking the car. The flash of light was completely gone when I got out of the car and shut the door. Looking around in the dark of night I headed into the forest which made me feel uneasy. It was too silent for a place where many animals inhabited. Not just silent but absolutely creepy. My heart raced more with each step I took. Something about the forest felt wrong. It felt unnatural. Like the feeling you get when you know in the pit of your stomach that something bad is going to happen and you just don’t know what exactly it is or how it will happen but you expect it.
After minutes of walking I reached the exact point where the boom of light originated and once lit the forest up. Suddenly I felt dizzy and exhausted. My body started to sway as I began to lose control over my balance so I leaned against a tree to steady myself. Unsuccessfully I was trying to get rid of my headache and the vertigo that was forming. The competition must’ve taken a lot out of me.
The silence in the forest stretched on with only the sounds of my labored breathing and heart pounding loudly in my chest present. Then out of nowhere I heard the sounds of tree branches and twigs breaking or being moved. By what? Wondering suspiciously I listened closer to the noises and realized the noises were getting closer to my location. It sounded like the branches and twigs were being stepped on.
Someone or something was running fast in my direction.
“Hello? Is someone out there? Hello?” I yelled, trying to see if they were alright.
No one answered back.
The running kept aiming in the same direction. This time the sounds of whomever or whatever was running became more persistent. Finally I came to the conclusion that if it didn’t answer something must be wrong. Then another thought drifted through my mind. One I should have thought of sooner. What if they were the ones who caused the booming light?
I should have run away or screamed for help but never in my life had I cowered out or away from a problem. The bad feeling within me told me not to leave myself in a vulnerable state. My instincts took over as I prepared in case the person or animal was going to attack me. Everything about its approach felt wrong. Digging my feet into the ground, leveling my arms, calming my nerves, and suppressing my aches, I positioned my body into a defensive stance. I worked myself up for an encounter by praying “you can do this, you can do this” repeatedly in my head. Even though I felt like crap every nerve was on end prepared to fight just in case.
Once again my eyes swept over the direction where branches and bushes were beginning to shake. Squinting, trying to focus my sight in the darkness, I saw the distinct silhouette of a man in dark clothing running towards me. A short distance behind him three figures with flashlights were chasing after him.
As he got closer to me one of the figures chasing him, a woman, shouted out to me catching my attention for a split second. “Run away from him, girl! Do not let him come in contact with you! Run now!” She yelled, out of breath.
I couldn’t make out her face though I heard the panic and anger ringing clear as day in her voice. She was right to say it. I should have listened but I was too stubborn. Running was not how I taught myself to react to these types of confrontational situations. Something inside of me compelled me, telling me that the man running wasn’t even close to a good guy. The unsettling feeling deep in my soul said that he was a very bad guy. Shaking my headache away I got back into a defensive battle stance.
When he came into complete view I watched horrified as he growled at me, gritting his teeth. The inhuman growl that yelped from him threw me off guard but not enough to get me out of the battle stance. He was too much of a threat now, I decided, and he’s in reaching distance. When I didn’t move an inch he came charging at me at full speed and tackled me to the ground before I could make a move, knocking the wind right out of my body.
He was so fast that I barely saw him attack. After a few labored breaths I caught my breath and looked him dead in the eyes. An unusual feature of his stood out. There was something odd about his clearly amber eyes. They held a strange dark red ring around the amber irises. It was stranger than his pale flesh.
He growled menacingly again, in my face this time, as he struggled with me trying to stand back up. He was stupid to think that I would just give up and surrender. Using all of my strength I wrapped my legs around his and disabled him from standing up which made him even madder than before. The dark rings around his eyes grew more intensely and slowly overtook the amber parts consuming them. I gasped knowing that no way was it possible that this man I was fighting with was human. Human eyes could never do that. It just wasn’t physically possible.
The three figures that were previously chasing him halted to a stop nearby not sure what they should do. I looked at them briefly but not long enough to see them and who they were. He caught me off guard for that split second and took advantage of it. Before I could look back at him, he had already unwrapped my legs and hold on him. I turned back around in time to see him hiss inches from my face. Then he did something I didn’t believe humans could do either.
He got a good grip on my arm with his hand and flung me in the air and into a tree trunk. Not extremely hard like I’m sure he wanted to. It was hard enough that I felt beaten and bruised on impact. Ten times worse than the sickness I already felt beginning inside of me. My eyes watered. I blinked my eyelids over and over again in order to see clearly.
It had been only a few seconds since I was immobilized still I had missed a lot. The man was standing up facing the three figures with flashlights in a feral crouch. Watching the man I stood back up, leaning against a tree, and shook my head. When the dizziness faded again I set my view on the scene playing out before me once more. He was too focused on the others to pay much attention to me. It’s now or never, I thought to myself as I worked up the confidence to carry out my plan of revenge. Slowly I drifted away from the tree and over to him without making any sounds. Running at him now I used the full force of my body and tackled him while he was off guard. It was like hitting an immoveable object but somehow I managed.
We fell to the ground hard. He immediately tried to untangle me but this time it wasn’t going to be so easy with me focused. It was payback time. He deserved this after what he had done. I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist and maneuvered my right arm around his right arm and neck then squeezed hard. Squeezing and squeezing until my entire body was engulfed in a burning pain. He groaned and wiggled around trying to break free from the sleeper hold I had him trapped in. His teeth were mere inches from my face.
After a few minutes of struggling his body went completely lax as he drifted into unconsciousness. He entered submission and my heart rate slowed and sweat clung to my forehead. The fight exhausted me beyond the sickness and pain I previously felt. I didn’t care whether I had hurt him or not as I released my hold on him and dropped him to the ground and stood up brushing dirt and leaves off my clothes and out of my hair. My headache returned and I felt suddenly really dizzy. It was a thousand times worse than before. Now it was unbearable.
The woman who had yelled to me before and the other two figures with flashlights stared awestricken at me and dropped their gazes down at the unconscious man. Well I wasn’t sure what he was but I knew he wasn’t human. That much I knew. All of their eyes practically bulged out from their sockets.
The wheezing grew making it harder for me to breathe right. Everything hurt and ached. A searing pain slithered up my spine and spread throughout the rest of my body. My bones and joints kept cracking feeling like they were shattering to bits. Much worse than growing pains. More like what some would imagine death to feel like.
The woman stepped forward and I looked her over closely through burning blurry eyes. She was familiar to me. Her long curly black hair, yellowish-green eyes, and beige skin. The woman was too familiar and I knew exactly who she was. For I had seen her many times before with Vanessa. What is she doing out here at this time of night chasing that awful creature? I wondered curiously.
“Rena? Is that you?” I asked. My voice was sounding hoarse.
Just as I got ready to ask her again I broke out into a harsh coughing fit.
The woman looked up at me wide-eyed when I said her name. She took a slow step forward. Recognition flying through her and she gasped. The horror and sadness out showing her shock. She recognized me too.
“Kathleen? Kathleen McKenna? What are you-” She started to say.
Her voice cut out and disappeared as the dizziness finally won and I fainted, barely seeing the other two figures with flashlights running at me to catch me as I slipped into unconsciousness.